Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
