Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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