He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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