Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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