don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
