What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
