I cannot find my penis.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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