you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
