If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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