Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
