Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
