WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
