when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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