just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like abortions should bother me more
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
