BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
