I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
