Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
