if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
