Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just high enough for therapy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
