Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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