So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
