The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
