I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
