thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
