sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
