watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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