Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
