Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
should my penis look like a turkey
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
