I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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