the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
