If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
