Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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