last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i out mim tonsoeep
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