he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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