Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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