So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
