dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
