I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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