isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
