i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
