Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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