I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
