so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
