im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
