Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
