She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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