All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
