Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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