So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
