my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
