I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
