the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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