your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
