oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
