is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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