I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I will be naked everywhere
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
