Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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