and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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