She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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