before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
