If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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