Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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