Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
