u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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