so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
