Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
