Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
