And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Boobs are out for the taking
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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