fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize