Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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