nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
