that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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