He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
