I wish I could teleport
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
