The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
