I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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