I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
