dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
