Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
