I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
