Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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