she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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