turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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