we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
