My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
