i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
