Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
