I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We got so high we made milksteak
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
